I keep getting this feeling, that my days are numbered because of this illness. I'm not sure how long I will last, but I cant imagine longer than 20 more years. Perhaps not even more than 5. I don't tell anyone, because I want to stay positive, put on a strong face, and not worry others. I can feel my body getting weaker every day, and it's the only thing that is ever on my mind.
Once the project access program stops, that's it for medical treatment for me. No more medications, no more doctor check-ups or tests. I'll be back to square one, of suffering constantly. Like I am right now, and if i dont get treatment soon, with how I am going right now, I could be dead within months.
My hair is thinning out. My body has no fat. My muscles are wasting away even, they seem to hang off of me now. My ribs and pelvis bones are sticking out. I have no energy. I rarely eat. Every time I stand up, my vision blurs/blacks out, my knees go weak, I get extremely dizzy, and sometimes I even pass out.
I weigh less than I did in high school, and people thought I was anorexic back then. I weigh 25 lbs less than I did when I was married, and I know I looked my best at that time.
I'm going to die.
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