The Spoon Theory

I just read a blog of a fellow person with an "invisible illness". She has come up with a great way to describe how it really is to be me. How I live my life day to day. If you want to read it in her words, go here.

I'll summarize it here. Imagine you have several spoons in your hand. You start out each day with that many spoons, depending on how you used those spoons the day before, you may have more or less spoons to start with. Now, you may choose to use those spoons for whatever you want, but keep in mind, if you run out of spoons, you are out for the day.

Now walk yourself through a typical day. You get out of bed, shower, choose clothes to wear, change into those clothes, go to the bathroom, walk to kitchen, find something for breakfast, make breakfast, eat breakfast, clean up after breakfast etc.

Each of those things take spoons. By the time you reach dinner, you have one spoon left. If you make dinner, you cant eat it. If you eat something already made for dinner, you cant clean up after, or do any other activities. This is how every day is for me. I have to decide how to use my "spoons".

It's even more difficult with a child and husband and house I have to take care of. I need to be sure they have food to eat, the house is livable, and that they get the attention they need from me to be nurtured and cared for.

Personally, if I use all my "spoons", that is when i start getting a flare-up. I lose all energy, I can't do anything, I get really cold and start shivering (even if its 90+ degrees out) I get really nauseas, and if i dont lay down and rest right away, I start vomiting and it all goes down hill from there, not recovering for atleast 3 days (unless I go to hospital, they can help me recover quicker).

The days I'm feeling the best, and start out with a good amount of "spoons", are the days after I am able to actually eat more than just a little. Most of the time, I can hardly eat anything, but there are rare days that i feel well enough to eat, and it helps give me more "spoons".

Each person deals with their illness differently. This is just examples of how I deal with mine. It's difficult, but it's my life. I do it everyday, so it doesn't seem as hard to me, because it IS my "normal" and it's been so long that it's hard to remember not feeling this way.